Chapter 1

I come back. I always do. No matter how far I escape I end up returning. I have to, for her. Otherwise she’d die. She couldn’t take it… and I could never handle that, because, you see, I owe her everything and more. So instead of leaving, I extend my trips gradually, in the hope that she’ll get used to it. You see… she gave it all up to raise me. Yes, It wasn’t perfect, but I remember how hard she tried. And then, there’s that bloody curse, so I really can’t blame it all on her.

Eventually what has to happen will happen. I know that someday, I’ll have to leave. There’s a part of me that is missing, a part I am desperately trying to find. I am stuck with a void where my heart slips, over and over, out of habit, to linger on brighter possibilities and dream of leaving this whole mess behind. There is so much selfishness germinating inside of me I do not believe it can be denied. So, I feel sorry for her. But is it really my fault? After all, I’m just driven, like the rest of them, and maybe, maybe, she should thank her mother for that.

Meanwhile, day after day, I’m playing the same record. ‘I should leave. I should leave today.’ Then the reply comes, never missing its cue, and it goes like this: ‘Yes, I should leave, but some other day though. Not today.’